I seem to be entering a new phase, one in which I know I need to do less. Instead of having a ‘To Do’ list, I have created e a ‘Do NOT do’ list.
Last week I had the first of a set of 6 restorative Yoga sessions, where the only energy we used was in changing postures! Using bolsters, cushions and blankets we spent an hour and a half completely relaxing. From getting into the very first position I experienced such a profound letting go that all I wanted to do was cry. I had an intense realisation that my nervous system was totally exhausted from continually holding on, from being on alert 24/7, and from unceasingly questioning ‘what next?’.
Because I do daily meditation, take mindful walks, and try to incorporate present moment awareness into my day I thought I was beginning to slow down and give myself a break. But this yoga practice showed me otherwise. I am still going at break-neck speed, I’m still ‘working’ on everything (aka myself), and I still feel that I need to get somewhere, somewhere ‘better’ than where I am today.
So my ‘Do NOT do’ list now includes all reading that I think will give me answers, go-to books that I consult when in a crisis (aka feeling something that I am not comfortable with), any course that I misguidedly think will enable me to earn a good living if I just work hard enough at it, having found my one true passion first!, (aka distracting myself from fears of lack and poverty) and all time spent on the computer following links to yet more e-courses promising tools, tips and techniques on how to change my life for ever.
I am hoping that by not wasting time and energy on any of the above, I can give myself a
space that will allow whatever needs to emerge to surface in my awareness. And that it will include fun, playfulness and more simplicity.
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