It is the early hours. I am in meltdown. A combination of lack of sleep due to waking early with the light and many nights of territorial cats wailing through the night is having its toll on me….
Yesterday I made an appointment to see a weight loss coach. Every cell of my body is screaming ‘Don’t go there’. She is the antithesis of all that I believe in and all that I value, yet I am so desperate to curb my overeating that I am overriding my own knowing. Hardly a good start to my self care…
Perhaps I need to make this last ditch attempt to show myself absolutely and categorically that I do have my own answers, that believing an outside source who can magically solve all my problems is a fallacy. I am resisting her before I have even met her and all I can imagine is a giant tussle to get her to understand where I am coming from. Every word she utters puts my hackles up – cliche after cliche from the coaching world, the latest trends in goal setting and removal of obstacles…
Is the resistance simply a foil for not wanting to accept my discomfort and an excuse for not changing anything? Or is it my body’s innate knowing that what doesn’t resonate is not true for me? I wish I knew the difference…
I will go. More to rule out than to be open. To discount and dismiss like everything else in my life. To prove that no-one can help me. A self fulfilling prophecy… Being my own worst enemy….
Comments