A few weeks ago (blog post 14thMay – Out of My Mind) I made the decision to follow my heart’s calling on a moment to moment basis and then take action on that. Actually do something. One baby step at a time. As it occurred to me. Regardless of how it looked, how imperfect it was, however silly it might appear. To have no regard to outcome or agenda. Or what others may think. To not know where it might ‘lead’. Simply for the joy of it. To show up, to take action.
And to share it.
To say to the world ‘This is who I am and I am no longer ashamed of it.’
And to show others that they can do the same.
I am totally astonished at what I have managed to achieve over the last few weeks by ignoring my fearful thoughts. Thoughts that said ‘who are you to put things out there?’ ‘What’s the point, who cares?’ ‘What will people think of you?’. And my habitual inner critic echoed my early years’ warnings to ‘stop showing off’.
I
have posted images and words on social media for the first time and added links directing people to this blog. Something I would NEVER have dared do before.
I have bought some new clothes – dresses no less than – and have actually worn them in public and amongst friends despite my acute anxiety about my size.
I have shared some of my ‘creations’ – childlike experiments in different art techniques – with friends.
I have experienced extreme embarrassment and self consciousness from stepping out of my comfort zone and into a more open and visible place in the world.
But I haven’t died. The world hasn’t imploded. Nobody has laughed at me. (That I know of!)
And nothing bad has happened to me.
On the contrary. What began as an experiment in following my inspiration has resulted in others expressing themselves and asking to be more involved.
I have been surprised by the responses of some and the non-reaction of others. I have felt so much freedom, and with it an excitement about future possibilities. I have found it hard to believe how difficult it seemed before I did it, but how easy it actually was when I didn’t let my thoughts prevent me from trying.
Each time I post it gets easier, allowing me to be even braver the next time.
I have found effortless ways of doing things that previously were too overwhelming to even contemplate.
I am beginning to see that anything is possible, that it doesn’t matter what people think of me, and that this playing at life is actually rather fun!
Of course there will be zillions more thoughts, and setbacks and steps back as I journey out into this playground of Life. But for now I am enjoying each tentative step that makes me feel more alive, on purpose, and full of joy.
And I invite you to try it too!
Follow a whim, trust an impulse, delight in creating….
Go with what moves you.
Without reason or meaning.
And see where it takes you!
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