Taking my own advice

I have been searching for a very long time for a suitable ‘career’ or vocation, trying to find my ‘purpose’.   Intellectually (ironically) I know that it is not something I can figure out, it having to come from my heart, a feeling space rather than logic or rationale.

I have been fine tuning what I thought were my innermost needs and wants, and am discovering that it is more of a quality than a tangible thing ‘out there’ – although the result of it is very tangible, both in terms of its effects and how it makes me feel.

I have struggled for a very long time with a perceived conflict between having certain healing ‘tools’ and not wanting to intervene in another’s journey. This then led to my desire to create an actual physical space where people could come and ‘be’ however they were, a sanctuary where they would not be judged or isolated but welcomed and accepted, whatever was going on for them. The space would be the healing environment, in the same way that if you change a landscape and provide a suitable habitat, birds and animals that have long since gone will return.

And now I am at a place where I am interested simply in the quality of my attention and presence, where my undivided listening, with my whole being, gives to another all that they need to contact their own stillness, their own knowing.

Running alongside this thread is my own knowing that no programme or training is going to ‘fit’ me one hundred percent. I have found many courses which teach the importance of close attention and deep listening but they are all embedded in techniques of one sort or another, techniques which may not resonate fully with me, or which have too many steps to follow. I can take on parts and leave others, but the ideal result is for me to find my own way of being in the world, and my own way of offering this to others.

And whilst I continue to look ‘out there’ for tools and techniques that have come from someone else’s unique experience, I will fail to fulfil my own unique potential, my own character signature.

And in order to do that I need to give my full attention and full present moment awareness to myself! What I want to offer to others is what I need to give to myself first. I need to start listening to myself – my body, my wishes, my deepest needs – so that the whispers that have been drowned out with too much physical activity can be heard, acknowledged and acted on.

I want to hear what Life wants from me.