This post has been rather a long time coming. It feels like I needed to give it time to formulate.
When making decisions in life about the direction I want to take I usually default to one of two methods. Either I plan like mad, in a very linear fashion, get very excited, exhaust myself and then don’t carry out the project or idea!
Or I say I am going with the flow. Which usually means, in practical terms, that I have no focus, allowing myself to be distracted by whatever comes my way, and ending up feeling unfulfilled, with no structure, and then I give up.
Either way is demoralising, leads me to trust myself less, and achieves nothing but confusion and doubt.
This time, I am not planning ahead, but I do have something to focus on.
And there is a major difference in that I don’t have an expectation of an outcome.
My sole (soul) aim is to be creative on a daily basis, mainly through writing and art journaling.
Simply for the sake of it! To have fun, to be joyful, to play.
And knowing that the very act of expressing myself will change things in my life, without needing to know what or why or how. I am going to let the art lead me to myself, show me what steps I need to take, guide me to my fullest potential.
I expect all this will happen organically, naturally, subtlely. All that really matters is that in the process of making marks and voicing my joys and fears this is fulfilling a basic need in me – in all of us – that allows the rest to take care of itself.
I have been putting the cart before the horse – using the concept of being creative to achieve a result of some sort – to perhaps secretly think it might enable me to earn money from it for example.
But now I want to take a leap of faith, trust that the act itself is enough. To rest in presence and stillness. To come from a place of not knowing.
And it’s probably not even about the art either. It’s about getting out of my way, engaging in a pursuit that brings joy and excitement. Art just happens to be my medium, for others it may be sport or music or hedge laying.
There is nowhere to get to. I am already where I need to be.
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