Today I am starting a week long blog writing challenge. The idea is for some self discovery, to uncover value systems and get ideas onto ‘paper’ to give them space to grow. Today’s prompt is ‘What really makes me angry about the world?’
This is in itself is a challenge, as it is not something I would normally dwell on. But I can see that it is a good tool for throwing up my opinions and beliefs, to highlight what really matters to me.
The findings may then point to future possibilities – signposts – to see where I might be able to make a difference in the world. This is a different angle for me to explore, and I am looking forward to a new way of looking and seeing.
The first thing that comes to mind is the inequality that exists for people in terms of education and job prospects. Globally of course but specifically here in the UK. It is of course a gross generalisation to say that those with a more privileged background will have better opportunities in life. Furthermore there will be countless examples of people who have achieved great success financially and personally through sheer guts and determination.
This however, is not the area I want to concentrate on. What concerns me most emotionally is the attitude that most of us have towards those who may not have the motivation, the means or the wherewithal to keep their heads above water, and to those who actually fall below the radar.
It makes me angry when these people are sidelined, rejected or dismissed. They are seen as less than, unimportant and can be treated with scorn and derision by those in positions of power and authority. Them and us. Not we. Not seen as individuals who could be skilled, intelligent, productive, creative, fulfilled in life. Not seen as those who could do with compassion, support and encouragement in addition to practical and physical leg ups. It is an irony that those who have more resources can access greater resources – to funding, information, job opportunities, advice, learning, support and development while those who don’t have qualifications or a high earning capacity struggle to access information, education and financial independence.
What is so often forgotten, or not seen, is how poverty, in all senses of the word, affects a person’s sense of wellbeing. Unable to imagine having a better life, living with debt, making poor choices in terms of physical health, and having little or no sense of achievement or purpose can have a debilitating effect, making people feel helpless and powerless to change.
This is an enormous subject and there will be many who will use political, philosophical, and economic arguments to defend the status quo as it is. But it is the personal arena of life that I am interested in – how we can all change our attitudes and outlook to see everyone as equal in terms of potential, to enable us all to feel good about ourselves. In that way we can create a more cohesive society which is abundant, productive and creative for everyone.
Last night I went to my art group. Four of us get together once a fortnight at one of our homes and ‘do’ art. When we first started, about a year and a half ago, we picked a topic or a technique, researched it a bit and then experimented. We tried lino printing, collage, abstract. And we concentrated on themes such as winter, movement, shape or colour. We all came with a varying degree of expertise and experience, but the object of our meetings was to have fun and enjoy the process.
Recently however we have become a bit directionless so we invited a teacher to help motivate us and give us guidance. We all enjoyed the lessons and the learning, but as we are all coming from different places it has been difficult to agree on what we all need and how we want to move forward.
Prior to our getting together yesterday we had decided we would expand on our last session of experimenting with pointillism. We agreed that we would paint a self portrait using this technique. However, it was clear from the start that a couple, if not a few, of us were not now so keen on this, and in fact had developed a great resistance to it! So, almost without discussing it everyone just started doing their own thing.
It would appear that we are all trying to find our own way, each of us feeling as if we are floundering whilst envying what we see as the others’ sense of purpose and artistic achievement.
At the end of the evening we are joined by two of the group’s husbands. We have a meal together, show our art and reflect on the process. It was commented on by one that it is all very well to just do what we want with no regard to the agreed topic, but that it wasn’t much of a challenge.
Reflecting on this (having initially strongly objected to it) I saw the merit of his comment, and could see how it applied to writing this blog.
I haven’t kept to my intention to write daily. Although I am happy that this may have been a bit ambitious, I am also aware of how easily I can give up, not bother. Over the last few days I have allowed negative thinking about the validity and usefulness of this blog to stop me writing, seeing it as narcissistic and self indulgent.
Whatever the truth of these thoughts, my challenge is to continue writing despite them. My purpose is to share this stuff in order to get out of my own way and allow ideas and inspiration to shine through. My challenge is to not identify with the self defeating thoughts and to carry on even though I may feel uncomfortable. My challenge is to not give up when the going gets tough.
There is a fine line between comfort and challenge and I am learning to discern the difference.
Today I find myself on the eve of participating in an online community course that could probably be described as shamanic in its content and ideology. It is a nature based teaching. It does not involve long hikes in the natural world or plant identification. Although it could include that. It is more to do with learning how ancient, and modern, native tribespeople live their lives by tuning into nature using all their senses. Not ‘just’ to learn the whereabouts of their next meal, or to protect themselves from the elements, but in a much wider context of finding balance and harmony for themselves and within their community. Accessing the natural, right brained, tribal state of mind they are able to enter into the consciousness of all things, have an eagle eye’s overview of the world, and open themselves up to the energetic reality of existence.
When I hear the word Shamanic I dismiss it as something I am not interested in. Been there, done that, it’s not for me, too many techniques, too complicated… too this, too that, my mind says. Had the online course been called The Way of the Shaman, I probably wouldn’t have read any further.
Yet I am beginning to realise that it actually encompasses not only the content but also the essence of what I have been trying to capture in all my seeking and searching. I studied under a spiritual teacher who worked shamanically for many years. I have been part of ayahuaska ceremonies in the Amazon rainforest under the guidance of native South American shamans. I have taken courses in animal communication, various energy healing modalities, and have experimented using painting and writing to express the essential nature of a place, a thing, a person, an emotion.
I hadn’t realised until now that what I hoped to find from engaging in all these explorations was a deeper connection. With myself, with others, with the world in all its forms.
So not only is this a reminder to not identify with labels, but to look beyond what I think I know, and to be open to a myriad of possibilities.
And to see that even though things may appear to be separate or unconnected, everything is interrelated and plays its part within a larger context.